Today my fourth human incarnation will be writing. She is the incarnation right before my current one as Michelle on a linear time line. I have had two incarnations on Earth as animals, a tree frog and a penguin, but I have not decided if I will channel them yet. I am sure many of you are wondering why I have had so few incarnations here. For the moment, I will leave it as a cliff hanger and explain in upcoming blog posts.
I will let Mary take it from here.
I was born on November 8, 1903 in The Triangle area of Virginia in the United States. My life was very short as I died on September 3, 1923. I was not physically sick but I suffered my entire life from severe depression and I took my own life on that day.
My life was not truly a bad one. I was very insecure and thought very poorly of myself. I did not really think I was worthy enough to be happy and I thought that I was a burden on my family and friends.
I was very psychic and this made things even more difficult. My mother was very embarrassed about my mental illness and my psychic abilities. The ironic thing is that she was also very depressed and very psychic but she chose to hide these two facts. I think in this life she will be more open but is still a bit reticent about them. Michelle is encouraging her in this life!
I was a very beautiful girl and many men wanted to date me but I could not have a relationship because of my depression. I was not good with people because I was very shy and was very insecure. I mostly kept to myself and did not go out much.
My friends were few but my very best friend was a girl who was much younger than I was. We spent quite a bit of time together and I took her under my wing. She was very lonely because she did not have many friends and thought that her mother did not love her. I become a mentor and mother figure to her.
I think that I felt very responsible for her and she was very attached to me. She was very important to me and I was very important to her. Michelle and this same Soul are very close in this life also! They cannot seem to stay away from one another, no matter how hard they try. This is very normal in these situations. We needed each other other in order to grow Spiritually.
I began to become more and more and more depressed. I wanted very much to be happy and be as others wished me to be but I could not do that. I began to feel very worthless and could not cope with living with myself. This is how Michelle came into this life but she is definitely not going out as this! We have finally succeeded! The problem was that my parents thought I would never recover and my dad brought in doctors and therapists but they did not help me. The problem was that my therapist was very bad with my feelings and would not permit me to own my feelings. This is very good because now my therapist has reincarnated as Michelle’s dog and he is still doing the same thing! He becomes very upset if Michelle is having a bad day! This upsets Michelle and then she tries to hide her feelings so that her dog will not be upset! This is exactly what happened with my therapist and me.
The problems became worse because my dad was very angry that I was not getting better. I wanted to believe that I could get better but I was not. I began to become more and more depressed. I began to think that I was crazy and my self-esteem went even lower. The hopelessness became so severe that I could not see things improving ever.
There was a day when I was going to the lake to meet my friend. I thought that I would be okay but as I approached the lake I could not understand why I should go on. Why I should be here with no purpose nor opportunities! I then walked into the lake and drowned.
My friend was not very upset when she arrived and and could not find me. She thought I had either not arrived yet or that I was busy. The thought never occurred to her that I would have drowned myself.
When my family could not find me, they went to the lake to look for me. They could not see that I was in the lake and decided to look elsewhere. The problem was that no one considered that I would have taken my life and it was many days before they found my body. The end result was that I was very happy to be back in the Spirit Realm but my family was very upset. My parents were very much saddened and my brother took this very hard. My family was very depressed and they all took this very badly. I think that my mom was the most upset by this and she was not the same person anymore. The problem is that I think she was very glad it was over but very sad that I was no longer there.
My family went on to be very secretive and did not talk about me much. The problem was that back in those days, suicide was considered as a bad reflection on the family. The family was very embarrassed and did not think they should be talking about my death. This was not a very good thing for them because this caused them to never recover from what happened.
I want to say that my brother rand I were very close. We very much loved each other and we made a deal after he crossed over that he would help be grow and expand in our next incarnations. We decided that this time my brother would be Michelle’s son and he would take his life to help me be okay with being psychic and being comfortable with who I truly am.
I think that this experience has been very difficult for Michelle and our entire Soul family who is currently incarnated but I believe that it was very effective. She is much more comfortable with who she is now than in any other previous incarnation. I think that although she is very angry about how it was done, she is also very glad to be free to be herself! This is truly a wonderful thing because are very tired! – Mary