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Photography by Christian Schill

As I have mentioned many times in the past, I belonged to the Christian faith for most of my life. I read the bible at least three times front to back and had more bible verses memorized than most people will ever do in an entire lifetime.

I played the game until I was in my mid-forties. I tried to fit into the roles that society, family and religion deemed appropriate. I believed I was doing a pretty good job most of the time; however, I was not happy. Others may have been happy with the roles I was playing, but I was not.

When I was 49 my oldest son, John, took his life. Besides shock, my initial reaction was “I played the game all these years for what? For this? To live through a mother’s worst heartbreak?” As if losing two babies was not enough, I now “lost” my oldest son at the age of 26.

Peoples’ reactions varied greatly and, for the most part, they handled it well. I did, however, have a couple friends who were so immersed in the roles they were playing that they could not think or speak for themselves. This was very hurtful and painful to me. There was no “I am sorry for your loss” or, better yet, “I am here for you”. All they could do was spout bible verse after bible at me. As if I did not already know these verses. My hospice training made me want to scream at them that they were doing this all wrong. I refrained, however. In fact, during this whole time, I believe I was the epitome of self-control.

To be fair, I must mention that my two closest friends are both Christians. My one friend is even a pastor’s wife. My two closest friends did not throw the bible at me. It just is not who they are. They live their faith in all sincerity, with love. This is as we all should live, no matter what our faith may be. They were just present for me. They did not need to say word. I just needed them to be there. And they were.

John’s crossing over caused me to reassess my life and the roles I was playing. I was never true myself during those first 49 years. I did what others wanted me to. I was what others wanted me to be. I was not my true self. I was so far from my true essence that I was miserable and suffered from severe depression. I was in and out of psychiatric hospitals for years. It was John who made me realize that I needed to change this and live for me…not others.

My first realization was that Christianity is not for me. It is for others but it is not for everyone and certainly not me. In fact, there is no organized religion that is for me. I have found that religion is really not for me. I discovered that I must walk my Spiritual Path in my own way, without others telling me how it should be done, in order for me to grow and expand in a holistic manner.

Over the past few years I have discovered that many believe because I am no longer a Christian or belong to any organized religion, that I am now an Atheist and do not believe in God. The area in which I live consists mostly of those who practice some type of Christianity. If they do not, then they practice Judaism. In either case, the majority where I live is Judeo-Christian. It is difficult to find anything else. I do not mean to “pick on” Christianity. It is merely what I am most familiar with and when I speak on these subjects, I am speaking to all of humanity as a whole. Not just Christians.

The truth is that I do believe in God. It is rare that you hear me refer to God as God or as a He. I prefer the name Source; however, there are many other names that people use. Our Creator does not think as humans do and, therefore, does not care how he/she/it is referred to. For those who live in my country, this may come as a shock, but even Allah is perfectly acceptable to Source.

As for gender, being a medium I am well aware that Spirit has no gender. There is no need for gender in the Spirit World. When your loved ones appear and/or communicate with you, they will do so in a manner which you are most familiar with in this incarnated form that you are currently in. Therefore, John appears as my son, Tina as my daughter, Ricky as my son, my dad as my dad, etc. This is what I am familiar with in this lifetime. That being said, Source is the original Spiritual energy. Source does not need gender to create. Source/God/The Creator/The Universe does not have gender. If one must put a gender on Source, I would say it has an equal balance of the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine.

Because I do not ascribe to an organized religion, this does not mean that I do not believe in God or have no faith. I am as far away from being an Atheist as one can possibly get. If I were an Atheist, I would not be a psychic medium. Atheist not only do not believe in god, they do not believe there is anything after the physical life. I do not have a choice but to know that there is!

The most interesting thing I have discovered is that now that I am not involved in any organized church/religion, my faith is stronger than it has ever been. In fact, I am happier than I have ever been and I much more free than I have ever been.

We must begin to accept that our way is not the only way. What is right for one, may not be right for another. Just because someone is not walking the same Spiritual Path as you are does not make them faithless. If you are into Spirituality, as I am, and others not, do not assume they have no faith or that they are on the wrong path. If you are a Christian or of any other faith, do not assume that others not walking the same path are wrong, heathens, Atheists or faithless. We have come to experience uniqueness-what is right for one is not right for another. – Michelle