“Death is a strange thing. People live their whole lives as if it does not exist, and yet it’s often one of the great motivations for living. Some of us, in time, become so conscious of it that we live harder, more obstinately, with more fury. Some need its constant presence to even be aware of its antithesis. Others become so preoccupied with it that they go into the waiting room long before it has announced its arrival. We fear it, yet most of us fear more than anything that it may take someone other than ourselves. For the greatest fear of death is always that it will pass us by. And leave us there alone.” – Fredrik Backman, A Man Called Ove
When I read these words last night, they really got to me. This is because they are so very true and having been born a psychic medium and having worked for both a cemetery and hospice, I have been able to view death up close and personal and from a perspective different than most. Everyone I have ever come across falls into one of these categories.
It appears to me that the majority of the population falls into the first category. They act as if death does not exist and do their best to hide it and ignore it. I think that this is especially true in the United States where I was born and lived these past two lives.
In my family no one was ever permitted to say the “D” word. It was taboo even when someone was in the dying process. It was never discussed before someone actually crossed over. No matter how close to death a family member was, the fact that they were soon to be leaving the Physical Realm was to be kept from them (as if this is actually possible) and every measure possible was to be taken in an effort to prevent them from doing so, even if there was nothing that could be done.
The fact that we hide the natural cycle of life (which includes “death”) from our children is what causes the majority of people to act as if it does not exist. In the country where I live there seems to be an attitude that one is not permitted to be sick nor die. I think that educating people, beginning as children, about death is very important and would improve the mental health of our population. Education on the dying process and what death truly is would make all the difference in the world in the holistic health of everyone.
In my personal opinion, I believe the second category is probably the healthiest attitude. Knowing that you physically will not be on the planet forever (at least in this incarnation) can cause one to live life to the fullest. My youngest son lives life to fullest; however, I am not sure whether it is that he has an awareness of death or not. I suppose that when your older brother crosses over at the age of 26, it would increase your awareness. But Christian has always believed in living life to the fullest with vigor, vitality and fury. The fact is that he has always been very good at living in the moment. As his mother his zest for life can sometimes be frightening but, for the most part, his joy of life brings me joy and I live vicariously through him.
The third category is a bit more difficult to put my finger on. It seems to me that needing its constant presence to be aware of its antithesis is somewhat related to the previous category. This may not, however, be in the most beneficial manner. Maybe the author is referring to the fact that some people need to experience loss many times to remember to live.
I think the fourth category is actually the saddest of them all. My mother has always been like this. It always felt as if she had been waiting to die from a very young age. People on her side of the family seem to mostly cross over in their 60’s. My grandparents did live into their 70’s; however, four of their six children died earlier. My grandparents lost a four year old daughter to what we now believe was polio. My two aunts and my uncle crossed over in their 60’s. I had one aunt who chose to leave at 74. I would like to believe that this is what causes my mother’s attitude but she was waiting to die long before her siblings crossed over. She has a great fear of death and as far back as I can recall, we were always told my mother was sick. The fact was that she was not but she spent the majority of the time in “the waiting room”. My mom is still in the waiting room and is now 76.
The final category is the one that I fall into except that I do not have a fear of death, at least not my own. As a young adult I began to have premonitions that I would not die young but I would not ever get old either. This did not bother me in the least. In fact, I was quite happy about it. When my father crossed over at the age of 58, I remember thinking, “oh, dad crossed over at about the same I am going to.”
I did and do have a couple of fears regarding death, however. My first fear has been those I love crossing over before me. The worst fear being that it would be my children. As soon as John was conceived I began having premonitions that he would cross over before me. I was never told when or how and I lived for 27 years in fear for his well being. Now that the worst has happened, this fear has abated somewhat.
Although for many years I have had premonitions of never becoming an old woman, I still live with the fear that I will either live a long time or never die. I will be here alone having outlived all four of my children, my partner, my siblings, friends, etc. I have been assured by the Spirit Realm that no one physically lives forever; however, they do Spiritually. I have also been assured that my premonition is correct and I will not become an old woman. I must mention that I do not dwell on the subject of death but go about my days living, nor am I suicidal. I feel it is my purpose in life to promote better education on the topic.
Death should not be a taboo subject. We should be educating and preparing our children for it. It comes to us all and even our children will experience someone they love crossing over. As sad as it is for those left behind, even some children experience crossing over while children.
Death is merely a gateway into a new and a better life. It is, in fact, another birth. – Michelle