The products of today’s Unanniversary. Christian, Tina and Ricky (well worth celebrating!). Spirit Art by Michelle, Tina and Ricky Schill.

Today is my best friend’s wedding anniversary. When I wished her a happy anniversary she said that she felt she should say the same to me. The reason for this is that today would also be mine and my ex-husband’s wedding anniversary. She felt like saying this because we are an “unofficial couple”, as she put it.

My best friend and her husband always say that no matter we or others think, they can see the two of us love each other. She said she has seen the way we look at each other. That my ex-husband is always there, without fail, whenever I need him. They felt that this was most evident when John crossed over. The person who was my biggest support and constantly there for me during the worst time in my life was my ex and I did list him in John’s obituary as being John’s stepfather.

Of course, my friend’s comment this morning caused me to do my usual mulling over while I was doing my housework. What exactly does it mean to be a couple? Are there certain parameters one must follow in order to be considered a couple? Must certain calendar dates be observed? Must the two people live together?

I think that in the limited view of humanity, the collective conscious, you must meet these criteria. Therefore, no, Bryce and I are not a couple. A piece of paper stating we are divorced long ago replaced the paper saying we are married. We no longer live together and technically do not go on dates. Even when we were married, we never really celebrated certain days, except for the boys’ birthdays. I know to most women, celebrating anniversaries and such are a sign of love. I am just not that type of woman and signs of love are different for me.

I have also observed something very unfortunate in our society. The relationship is not emphasized. It is all about the wedding. The ceremony, reception, dresses, tuxedos, etc. The day must perfect and the best wedding ever. People come close to blows over planning this day yet no one ever thinks about afterward. That day actually holds no meaning. Not compared to the quality of the Spiritual bond between the two people. Marriage is not a day nor a piece of paper. Marriage is a bond made by two people in private. The status of the relationship are not determined by society, clergy or judge. It is determined by you and your partner. Being married has nothing to do with a ceremony. I have seen people who are truly married and never went to the legal system or religion to get a piece of paper. On the other hand, I have seen those who are “legally married”, who are not married at all (this describes my relationship with my first husband, John’s father).

Many years ago I had coffee with a woman who used to be a friend of mine. My ex-husband came up in the conversation and my friend noticed that I do not speak with disdain of my ex (well, most of the time). I do not speak as the typical ex-wife does when talking about the ex. This caused my friend to feel the need to inform me that I could no longer have sex with my ex-husband unless or until we got remarried. She felt that we must be a couple in God’s eyes.

I did my best to hide my shock and thought to myself, “we are two middle aged people who have two children in the Spirit Realm together and one child in the Physical Realm together!” To me this made little sense, not to mention the fact that it was not her business and I could not figure out how sex creeped into the conversation.

I always refer to God as Source because he/she/it is the original Spiritual energy from which all things began. Source is the original Spirit and Spirit is energy. Now, I believe that everything is energy; however, some things hold more energy than others. For instance, Spirits, whether they be incarnated or disincarnated, hold much more energy than a piece of paper.

The emotions that are transmitted between two Spirits holds very powerful energy. It is this emotional energy that binds these two Spirits together and the commitment made during pre-life planning that holds the glue in the relationship. It is not a piece of paper, a judge, a priest/pastor/rabbi. Source does not judge a relationship based on paper nor the judgment of others.

A couple of years ago we had to take some papers to the bank to be notarized so that we could give permission for our son to drop out of school, thereby setting all three of us free and out from under the brainwashing. We went into the bank and explained our situation. The notary noticed we had two different addresses and was very surprised at this. He could not believe that we were divorced and asked if we were getting back together. Bryce and I just looked at each other for a moment and then Bryce said, “yes, I know. We do not seem as if we are divorced. We have no idea what is going on here and we have no idea what will happen.” Quite frankly, does it really matter? We are all very happy.

Recently I had to borrow the car so I drove my ex to work. When I picked him up in the evening, a coworker needed to borrow the jack. Bryce introduced me to two of his coworkers and said “this is my ex-wife. As you can see we do not get along.” The woman sarcastically replied, “yes, I can feel the hatred just oozing between the two of you.” There is no reason that you cannot still love each other even though you are no longer married.

We still are not married nor live together. We can go for days without communicating and it does not bother either one of us. We live a mile down the road from one another. Our son, when home, can easily move between both homes. When one of us in need the other is immediately there. We are a family. We are a two house family.

It is not the legal system nor religion that makes the relationship. It is the Soul that makes the relationship. It is the love and compassion. It is not the rules of society that determines if there is a relationship. It is between the two Spirits. They determine the relationship.

When I think of our relationship from a human perspective, I have no idea how to describe it. I have no idea what we are to each other in this Physical Realm by society’s standards. I could never begin to describe it; however, that is not important. Relationships are not a human construct but a Spiritual one. When you have a relationship with someone, it is not the physical you having it but the Spirit that you truly are. – Michelle