Three days ago it was nearly 70 degrees and flowers were blooming. This is what I awoke to this morning; however, I am perceiving it as merely another day because weather is neither “good” nor “bad”. Spirit Photography by Michelle and Ricky Schill

Approximately two and half years ago I began to study Spirituality. Other than being born with psychic abilities, I really knew nothing about Spirituality, in and of itself. Much of what I learned I found shocking, yet freeing at the same time.

One of the things that shocked me was perception. Until my late forties I grew up in a culture where everything was labeled, which effected how I perceived everything. I have to admit that I am still trying to wrap my head around this. I find not judging and viewing things as either “good” or “bad” a very difficult habit to create.

I was raised to believe that even our Creator judged everyone as being “good” or “bad”. The Creator used bad events to punish people. Our every action and thought was watched and listened to at all times and this determined whether we were “good” or “bad” people. I felt as if there were a heavenly score card for every person and mine was filled with horrible marks. I have since learned that everything and everyone was created for a reason, none of which was for punishment.

I also found myself judging others. I would determine if someone was “good” or “bad” by their words, actions and lifestyle. I think I judged myself harshest of all, however. I wasted a lot of my energy trying to be “a good Christian woman”, “a good mother”, “a good wife”, “a good daughter”, etc. I did a whole lot of pretending and this exhausted me. Maybe this is part of the reason I have suffered with ME/CFS for several years. Exhaustion is a huge understatement when it comes to this illness, not to mention the whole body pain.

I had a difficult time understanding how someone could do something horrendous and it was neither “good” nor “bad”. These days there are times when I think I understand it and other times I do not.

I think that I would prefer it if there were no bad in the world. I would want peace, happiness, and goodness at all times. But then why leave home? Why incarnate here if it is no different than where I came from? I must continuously remind myself that we have these “bad” situations, behaviors and thoughts so that we can grow and expand as Spirits and Souls. We need to expand as Souls (Higher Selves). In order to do this we send down aspects of our Higher Selves (Spirits) who incarnate as beings. It is from the lessons that our aspects learn in these incarnations that cause the Soul to grow and expand. This life has been very difficult for me because my Higher Self has told me that she needs to expand quickly because I am the last incarnation. We need to be aware of this concept so that we can make the most of the lessons that we learn in our lives. We need to do this so that we grow and expand as Spirits and Souls.

This concept is not for the faint of heart. As a three time grieving mother, it was difficult for me to accept. I never viewed death as “bad” until it was my children who crossed over. Then for me it was “bad”. I do not view my own death as “bad”, in fact, it is a day that I greatly look forward to. This has nothing to do with being a grieving mom. I wanted to turn around and go back the minute I arrived on this planet.

When I am in a clear state of mind, I realize that even my children crossing over benefited me. It was not until John crossed over, almost three years ago, that I truly began to find true freedom. It was at that point that I began to discover who I truly am.

It was then that my momism that my children always make fun of me for saying was said in earnest: “I HAVE HAD ENOUGH”. I began to make serious changes in my life. I broke ties with people, places and religious institutions which no longer served me in order to have the freedom to go on this quest and be free to me.

I wish I could say that I no longer judge and label. That my perception is 100% transformed, but it is not. I am still working on it; however, it has much improved over these last few years. My judgment of myself has softened; although, I still have my moments when I return to my old ways of self-hatred. Sometimes I find myself judging and labeling people, places, things and situations but I quickly catch myself and change my perception. I try to look at it from another angle, from someone else’s perspective.

The art of perception is a difficult one to master but I think if we all tried to put in even the slightest bit of effort, I think this world begin to become even more beautiful. – Michelle