The most damaging thing that occurred in my life was being told by others who I am. I was told what I thought, how I feel, what I believed, what I liked, what I disliked, what I should do for a living, and the list goes on. This caused me to be unable to express myself well. I think that I was very unsure of my own feelings and opinions. We need to be more aware of our feelings to be able to express ourselves well.
I think if I had been left to my own devices I would have fared much better. I believe that I would have been spared the depression, mental illness and sadness that I lived with most of my life. Discovering yourself is one of the most enjoyable adventures in the Universe. I, unfortunately, discovered this late in life. I am very grateful that I did finally discover it, though.
It was after my son crossed over that I began to investigate alternative ways of thinking and living. At first I was very worried what others would think, especially my family. I think that my two closest friends and my husband were the most accepting of the changes in me. They were grateful that I was finally happy even after the loss of my son. My family was a bit skeptical I think. They know how close John and I were and they thought that I would crack up again. I think that because they never really knew of my abilities, they may still believe that, even though I am doing better than I ever have in my life.
The very first thing I did was go on the internet and begin researching my abilities. Where they came from, why I have them, what Spirituality is exactly and how to improve myself and my life.
It really did not seem to take long before I began to notice a difference in myself. As I said, meditation changed my life. I think that my brain needed to learn how to be more organized. I believe then that it caused me to be more calm and serene. My moods began to get better and more stable. I am not saying that everything was perfect, nor is it now, but my life is so much better.
I also think that realizing that I did not have to believe as everyone else and fit into the box made me feel free. My biggest desire in life has been freedom. I feel that I have finally found it. I did not think it was possible but the knowledge that no one belief system is totally correct and there is no punishment for not believing a certain way truly set me free. I also no longer feel responsible for the salvation of others. The knowledge that no one is damned has been a huge weight off of my shoulders.
I truly wish that everyone had this knowledge and freedom. We need to understand that it is perfectly OK to think differently than others, even your family and friends. The entire planet would be a different place if all people knew this. – Michelle