Penitentiary Glen, Kirtland, Ohio, USA. Photography by Michelle and Ricky Schill

Twenty years ago today I crossed over. My mom and dad were very sad and cried a lot. Today is a better day for both of them even though my brother’s truck got stuck in the snow and my dad could not get my mom to her meet up.

They are doing much better these days. My dad really does not remember the exact date that I crossed over but he does feel something at this time of the year. My mom remembers the date and for many years would be in the hospital at this time of the year. My was very suicidal after my sister and I crossed over. She was very depressed and did not want to live anymore. I believe that my mom was very upset because my grandfather also crossed over about seven months after I did. He had cancer for 14 months and it was a very difficult time. I think that my mom had too many changes and losses in too short of a time. I think that everything got to be too much for her and she just broke down. In our family you do not grieve the loss of a miscarriage and my mom really did not have the opportunity to grieve over Tina and me. This was very bad for my mom’s mental health. I think had she been permitted to acknowledge us and grieve over us, she would have done much better.

My mom is much happier these days even though her three oldest children are in Spirit. This is because my mom works very hard to improve herself. She meditates a lot and studies Spirituality. This has helped her more than the doctors and medication.

I believe that not everyone can benefit from medications. My mom is one of those people who are very sensitive to chemicals and she will get side effects that are very rare. I think holistic treatment is a much better option for some people.

After I crossed over my sister, Tina, and I watched our parents very closely. They love each other very much but my mom’s intense grief destroyed their marriage. We are very happy to see that their relationship is very much improved. Every day they seem to get closer and closer. This makes me and my sister very happy. We love our parents so much. They were supposed to be together always and we are very excited to see they are getting back to where they are supposed to be.

Most babies who are miscarried usually move on and reincarnate back into the family. My sister and I had a different mission. My mom and dad had another child, Christian. We knew that this would happen and we chose to remain with our mom through out the rest of her life. My mom is very aware of our presence and we have an ongoing relationship. This also has helped with her grief.

My mom has also done a great job recovering fro her grief over the loss of our older brother, John. He took his own life when he was 26 years old. This was extremely difficult for her. Although John is my dad’s stepson, it was very difficult for my dad also. My dad still loves John and he hated to see my mom in such pain. My dad stayed by her side through the whole thing. They never really divorced Spiritually. I think that they were not aware that they were not supposed to be apart until John crossed over. My mom has worked very hard to recover from the grief over John. She is doing a great job. The pain never truly will go away but she handles it well. She uses her grief and her connection to the Spirit Realm to help others.

We cannot assume that everyone’s situation is the same. Because most miscarried Spirits reincarnate back into the family, does not mean that it is true for every family. Every family has a different purpose and a different Spiritual path. My mom’s Spiritual path is very different than many others and we agreed to stay with her to protect her and help her with her Spiritual work.

I think that my mom is doing a great a job. Even on a day such as this one, she and my dad can joke around. My brother is in Italy right now. When he called our mom today he told her he was out partying until 6:00 am. When my mom told my dad this he said that he can’t imagine where Christian got that from because he never did anything like that. My mom always teases my dad that there is a reason that his initials are B.S. She responded to his text about this with an emoji that has a crooked halo and typed “B.S. My dad thought this was very funny.

We need to believe that we are stronger than we know. We are capable of so much ore than we have been told. We have the ability to recover from the worst of tragedies and use them for good. – Ricky